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It was a heart-rending story I could empathise with, but my story goes a little differently. I had my Youth Allowance suspended in October last year. And I had been in to Centrelink a month prior to notify them of my transfer between universities. I called them up. They told me a small team that assessed university attendance were the only people with the power to reinstate my account.

After spending 45 minutes on hold, I was forwarded to their answering machine. You can imagine my frustration. I thought a vein in my forehead was going to rupture. I called this Academic Reassessment Team a few more times, leaving voicemails of increasing aggression. After the third phone call, I finally got to speak to a real person and had my Youth Allowance reinstated. They had all the information about my transfer between universities.

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No one bothered to check my details before suspending my account. I wanted to make a complaint about how things were handled. So I call the feedback line, which was another 15 minutes on hold. Would anyone act on my complaint? Would anything change? Would anyone care? I had to do their job for them, so I invoiced them for my time.

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It took me two hours to fix this problem with Centrelink, so I wanted reimbursement. The Department of Human Services website is a slippery one. The best I could find was a request form for them to contact you. So I did some resourceful googling, and came across the fucking holy grail of complaint departments: The Government Directory.

This website lists everyone who works in government or for a government department.

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I wanted my complaint sent to the big dogs. Conveniently enough for me then, the directory has a page of everyone at the executive level at the Department of Human Services.

I used the organization structure in the corporate section of the Department of Human Services website to find the names of everyone I wanted to send my invoice to.

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With the organizational structure I found names and titles, and used the directory to find their phone numbers and email addresses. I sent out my email to everyone at the department. This felt good. Holding them accountable felt even better. In my hunt for contact details I came across some papers published on the Department of Human Services. It was written in April last year, I had this debacle with Centrelink in October. On page 14 it states call wait times should be less than 14 minutes and 26 seconds.

So I wanted to know why I had to wait for over 45 minutes and 15 minutes respectively.

Another interesting fact: Face-to-face wait times are meant to be less than 16 minutes and 48 seconds. So watch the clock next time you go in. I made sure to have this information handy when I decided to follow up my email with some phone calls. Sometimes I got assistants, sometimes I got the people themselves. But I never got a fucking robot or elevator music. I made some more phone calls to the head of HR and the Secretary herself.

I even sent my resume to the woman in charge of recruitment.

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It must have been opposite day at the department, because someone actually called me. Nah, that was just to make a point. And the issue with the call wait times? I received a letter from the department a couple of weeks later. Centrelink now has a call back feature.

Give this a go next time you need to deal with Centrelink or Medicare. Heck, that directory has every government department in there. If something involves the government, there will be someone you can contact in there. I hated dealing with Centrelink when I had a problem. Tom Wade is a brilliant young man with a fantastic beard. Quit your bitching. Before I retired the average wait time at the callcentres was 30 mins…now its treble.

So who is to blame…well perhaps the Abbott govt. SO before you get TOO upset about the quality of service…. Happy to provide links to verify info! You abused staff because govt funding cuts mean they are overworked and there are long wait times.

You need to get that directory out and write a polite letter of apology to everyone you bullied. From myself and every other person who has ever had to deal with these time wasting bureaucrats.

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  • I wish they would shove their red tape up their arse. Hi , very informative thanks , just in passing i suggest next during long wait times you can amuse yourself by viewing forgotten ABC series re : public service : Damnation of Harvey McHugh. Regards for sharing your superb web page. So educational, looking forward to coming back. Thanks really useful.

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